Dusting off my values
Jenny and I visited the Lesbian Herstory Archives today, and it was moving. There's a file of unpublished papers, many from 30-40 years ago, and I think this was the most amazing part for me because these women were just like me, and they were writing on topics that still have context for me, in today's political & social climate.
When I think of lesbians from before the 40s, 50s, 60s and even 70s, I think of them as "not like me." Maybe it's some leftover baggage from coming out.... I've certainly had moments where I didn't identify with the culture of LGBT community, and still sometimes I still feel, well, not so gay.
Reading papers about gender & sexuality girls wrote for school (or other unpublished academic or journal writing), so long ago, just like I wrote for school (or in my journal), where they question gender roles, marriage, coming out, hate... all of it, I felt "just like them."
Should these things have changed over the years? What parts of our collective experiences are defined by society, and what parts are truly shared, and going to endure for centuries?
For whatever reason, I never really thought of the individual experiences of women in the movement. I forgot they had sex. I just thought of whatever they were fighting for (the right to use bathrooms in a bar, to dance together, to wear what they wanted, to get married), and forgot what I have in common with them.
I'm so glad the archives exist. My first girl-kiss (and all the other firsts that go with this), my first girl-crush (and wondering whether it was just a weird extension of friendship and totally normal to be physically attracted to girls, and if acting on it meant I was gay), the first moment with a guy that I realized I really wasn't into guys, telling my family, wondering if its genetic... I think all these things may endure the generations.
I'm really thankful to Joan Nestle and the archives for reminding me that I'm part of a group. Even if I'm fighting for different rights, or wearing different clothing styles, or listening to different music, or whatever, the women younger than me, and the ones older than me, it's our desire & love that unites us.